Tuesday, February 01, 2005

U.S. Congress announced Office of President will be outsourced overseas

Congress today announced the Office of President will be outsourced overseas to save $400K a year in salary and preclude another record $521 billion in deficit expenditures. "We simply can't afford the recent spending level and expect to remain competitive on the world stage," said Congressman Adam Smith (D - Wash). "And, championed by President Bush, exporting American jobs has become the done thing."

Bush was informed of the termination of his position by e-mail. He will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day of employment. Then, after a two week waiting period, he'll be eligible for $240 dollars a week of unemployment insurance for 13 weeks, but he won't receive state Medicaid coverage because his unemployment benefits are over the limit." I'm in shock," Bush lamented. "I figured fer sure I'd have job security around this here place. I have no idea what I'll do now."

Sanji Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India, will assume the Office of President as of July 1. Born in America while his parents were on student visas, Singh is thus eligible for the position. He'll receive a salary of $320 a month but no health coverage or other benefits. Owing to the time difference between the US and India, Mr. Singh will work primarily at night, when America is open for business. "I am excited about this," Singh stated. "And working nights will let me keep my day job at the American Express call center."

Congress called for patience noting Singh may not be au fait with all the issues, but he has been given a script file which will enable him to respond to most questions. "For additional savings, these scripts were previously used by Bush. and will enable Singh, like Bush, to provide answers without having to actually understand what he's talking about."

Congress continues to explore other outsourcing possibilities including such positions as Vice-president, Secretary of Defense, Attorney General, Secretary of Homeland Security, Director of the CIA, and other Cabinet level positions including National Security Adviser.

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