My sleep habits have been a supper roller coaster ride. With winter, I seem to be getting to bed earlier then usual and this resulting in getting up earlier. Since I�m on no fixed schedule for writing, I guess the ride will go on, not knowing what twist or turn it will take next. So I�ve been plugging away at this writing thing and the more I do it, the more I get into it. Some of the things I'm writing makes me tired and almost depressed. Other things excite me so much that I sit for hours and even if I was tired, can't sleep. What I�ve come to realize is what keeps me here other than this being my historic homeland, is what I see on a daily basis in real life, I didn't see in America. I mean what I�ve seen, I would guess someone would have seen in America 200 years ago. Or as some people here have told me, Armenia has gone back in time. We are living back in 1918. What was once an asphalt road in some places, nature has reclaimed and it is again the same road our ancestors traveled on and in many cases with the same means (donkey cart or foot). On the one hand I feel privileged to be seeing this with my own eyes so I will appreciate what I do have, but on the other hand, it can be pure torment. I guess for me what is most difficult is that it really does not have to be this way. I know it and so do the people here. In fact so many people know this, that my the logical part of me is saying, �Ara, this is totally wrong and your letting it happen!!!� Then the resource side of me says, �Ara, you can only do so much, so don�t let it get to you because�� Then the logical side which is now starting to raise it�s voice says, �Ara, you know people, you have connection, call on them to make that change!!!� Then the emotional side jumps in and says, �Ara, don�t you remember the last time you sent out a letter to a bunch of people that you know and you got so many telling you �well what can I do, I don�t have time to get involved right now�� and you felt betrayed.� Then comes the voice of reason and in all these arguments, the voice of reason has the final word and it says, �Ara, I�m really proud of you. You have done what very few have done. You have done things that few dare to try. You have tried your best to be true to those that have put their trust in you. You have done your best and made it a priority to retain a dignified level of purity in how you live your life, not only for your own self, but to be an example to those around you as well. In the face of challenge, you have stood your ground and been strong, knowing that in our world, there is much evil, suffering and pain that we all face. Your willingness to befriend all those you meet, even the foe and the friendless, has given you a better understanding and tolerance of people. Humility is not your middle name, but you have been willing to face the many mistakes you have made or that have been made on your behalf, and done what you could to do in your power to correct them. You have followed your dreams and have done something that gives you satisfaction, knowing you are part of the solution and not the problem. You know that when that day comes that you have to answer to your maker as to what you did during your stay in our living world, you can hold your head up high and with confidence say �I feel that I have done what I was meant to do in this world. I don�t feel that I have taken what was not mine and shared with others what you have blessed me with. If I have judged anyone or have caused harm to those not worthy or deserving of such action by me, please forgive me. I have lived a fulfilling life and I am ready to continue to serve you in anyway you find fitting.� In short Ara, your only human, so don�t be so hard on yourself. Keep doing what your doing, because you know it�s the right thing for you.� Well to some this may seem like Ara has had too much sleep, or not enough sleep. Maybe what I have shared with you today is one of my deep emotional feelings that comes out when I�ve got too much time on my hands. I would hope that by sharing this with you, it will give you, the reader, a better understanding of who I am and why I�m here today.